In an astonishing reversal (of fortune), the FTC today (April 1) announced that “No Purchase Necessary” is no longer necessary for games of chance, abolishing 168 years of legal precedent.
With the inflation rate accelerating to 7.9%, gas prices up to $7.00 per gallon in some areas combined with the Personal Consumption Index rising to 6.4% and jobs at a near all-time high, FTC Chairman Wink Martendale thought it was the opportune time to open the purchasing floodgates for sweepstakes. Says Wink, “I never understood why anyone had to have equal dignity in the first place.”
We all know that the “No Purchase Necessary” laws harken to the Civil War Era when Honest Abe Lincoln famously posited, “How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” Since that time, retailers nationwide have tried mercilessly to evade the no purchase requirement with such gimmicks as the bonus entries for purchasers only, try to find how to enter for free, and my favorite, mail in 100 postcards for 1 free entry method.
When asked, noted Vegas lawyer, Ed B. Chansky remarked, “I never thought I’d see this day. NPN is the straw that stirs the promotions lawyer’s drink.” Be that as it may, Ed, the future is here. Just think of all the creative games of chance to follow. Jeff Bezos has promised to award seats on his moon rocket via sweeps. He may have even said, “Why charge $28 million per actual rider, when I can get thousands of rich investment bankers to wager this same amount for just a chance to take that flight.”
So no more will half-blind seniors have to read the small print to find out where to mail-in their postcards. No more will you have to opt-in for future mailings when all you want to do is go online to enter. No more will lawyers have to argue over whether a premium text is a form of payment. Free at last. Or, actually, not free at last.
If you’ve gotten this far and aren’t skeptical, I know a bridge for sale in Kings County. Happy April’s Fool’s Day.
Please contact Robert Laplaca to answer any questions or provide additional information about this post.
